Its all sunshine Lollipops and Rainbows

You wouldn’t think it looking at me. But I’m close to the edge of Clinical Depression. It isn’t an easy thing to write about, far from it. I don’t take it lightly either, it sucks. I think it has started about 3 weeks ago. Do the maths. Yep, when i broke up with Lauren. Even though i was the person doing the breaking, it still hurt. I shut myself down, didn’t talk to anyone, do anything. I basically become a walking mummy. I felt heartless, cold and distant. I was bored with everything and couldn’t even be bothered to put up a fight when people were trying to make me angry. I’m a person that normally over thinks situations, in the last few months i have stopped even doing that.

Sure things haven’t been perfect at home. With Dad getting cancer, and moving home again, and deciding to move overseas for at least 6 months, working 6 days a week for cash. It has been hard. My response to all of this has been to shut down, and not talk. Sure my family want me to talk, i feel though that it is hard to talk to them about things. Not that i don’t want to but because well it is just weird. Living in Perth isn’t the easiest either, it is a real small town clicky feel. So making good mates that you can talk too is hard. One mate that i would normally discuss things with has just moved over to Belgium to study. I also have lost my previous support network after moving over here to Perth. Basically the last 5 years have been the most moving, changing jobs, travelling, life decisions that i have ever had to make. I think it has just all started to catch up with me, thus being on the edge of Clinical Depression. I’m not there yet. So the meds aren’t being issued as yet.

Basically Dr Julia is checking my Iron levels, cause i look pale and am loosing weight. Then she wants to see me next week to see how I’m going. She did recommend some things like regular exercise, eating better, drinking less alcohol (not happy about that) etc. So already i feel better.

It’s funny what people’s perceptions of you are, cause today we had a group of new people being shown around the office. One of the girls remarked that i looked friendly cause i was smiling. I thought to myself “ha, if only she knew what i was told yesterday”. We then continued to talk about the great view from my window.

So that about fills you in on what is happening with my mental health at the moment. Hopefully discussing this will make other people feel the confident to talk about there problems as well. i know that it is just the start of a loong road for me, but one i hoping will get better as time goes on.

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9 Responses to Its all sunshine Lollipops and Rainbows

  1. Shell says:

    *sigh*…you had me at Im no expert…….

  2. Dan says:

    Thats nice post EM. sounds like you have a very close family and that is nice. watch out for your bro. I know you will

    Dan

  3. em says:

    sorry for the confusion, forgot to changethe “gussy says part”.. it’s sister number 4. 🙂

  4. Gussy says:

    I know I’m no expert but I love you so I’m going to say this.

    You have a wonderful life and just try, just try ok to keep the focus on the positive. That’s hard as hell coz there are so many big things going on right now but you have your whole life ahead of you and I think canada is going to be an amazing journey for you to discover everything. Don’t be scared to explore the world and trust youself that you are just as wonderful as the 7 wonders of the world. That’s easier to say than do.

    There is NOBODY else like you and that’s why i love you as my brother.

    Keep strong and know that I’m just down the hall for you to talk. If not, then I totally respect your space and think about talking to shell….she knows and understands more than me, but my arms are always open for hugs if you need one.

    Love always, em xoxox.

    P.S you made me cry now you big bully!! 🙂

  5. Shell says:

    Silly little froggy! I may be your family but I also have ears and have depression – so understand. Dave is also here if ever you want a blokey chat. You’re also more than welcome to come and stay if you need to get outta the house for a while – Im sure Roxy would love to see you as well! 🙂 Anyways good to hear your getting help..Dr Julia hey…hmmm…. keep ya chin up champy xox

  6. Dan Mac says:

    OK no Problem, Hang in there! You will over come-as the song says-that would be good if you don’t need meds but if the time comes and you do need it then no shame in taking them.

    good luck and need to talk I’ll be around

    Dan
    Waterville, ME

  7. Gussy says:

    @ Simone, thanks 🙂 i just need someone to talk to, besides family.

    @Dan, i don’t think im at the stage of needing meds yet. Just need people to talk to. I haven’t spoken/see/ been in contact with “kitta” since December last year. I don’t have much contact with the rest of them either. 🙁 Thanks for the support though. 🙂

  8. Dan Mac says:

    Hi hang in there it work out! if you need meds then take them if the doctor thinks thats best. If you need to talk, then talk to us(I know something about it.) How about your friends Kitta, and that gang? Anyway, I will check in again soon.

    Dan Mac
    Waterville, Me USA

  9. Simone says:

    Good luck Luke, I don’t know what else to say….!
    🙂
    Ok, maybe a bit. You seem to have got help in time, and by realising what’s wrong, that should help.

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