You wouldn’t think it looking at me. But I’m close to the edge of Clinical Depression. It isn’t an easy thing to write about, far from it. I don’t take it lightly either, it sucks. I think it has started about 3 weeks ago. Do the maths. Yep, when i broke up with Lauren. Even though i was the person doing the breaking, it still hurt. I shut myself down, didn’t talk to anyone, do anything. I basically become a walking mummy. I felt heartless, cold and distant. I was bored with everything and couldn’t even be bothered to put up a fight when people were trying to make me angry. I’m a person that normally over thinks situations, in the last few months i have stopped even doing that.
Sure things haven’t been perfect at home. With Dad getting cancer, and moving home again, and deciding to move overseas for at least 6 months, working 6 days a week for cash. It has been hard. My response to all of this has been to shut down, and not talk. Sure my family want me to talk, i feel though that it is hard to talk to them about things. Not that i don’t want to but because well it is just weird. Living in Perth isn’t the easiest either, it is a real small town clicky feel. So making good mates that you can talk too is hard. One mate that i would normally discuss things with has just moved over to Belgium to study. I also have lost my previous support network after moving over here to Perth. Basically the last 5 years have been the most moving, changing jobs, travelling, life decisions that i have ever had to make. I think it has just all started to catch up with me, thus being on the edge of Clinical Depression. I’m not there yet. So the meds aren’t being issued as yet.
Basically Dr Julia is checking my Iron levels, cause i look pale and am loosing weight. Then she wants to see me next week to see how I’m going. She did recommend some things like regular exercise, eating better, drinking less alcohol (not happy about that) etc. So already i feel better.
It’s funny what people’s perceptions of you are, cause today we had a group of new people being shown around the office. One of the girls remarked that i looked friendly cause i was smiling. I thought to myself “ha, if only she knew what i was told yesterday”. We then continued to talk about the great view from my window.
So that about fills you in on what is happening with my mental health at the moment. Hopefully discussing this will make other people feel the confident to talk about there problems as well. i know that it is just the start of a loong road for me, but one i hoping will get better as time goes on.