Turbulent Times

Well it has been an interesting few weeks since leaving the sunny comforts of Perth, Australia. I’m now living in Golden, Canada. The temperature difference is something to behold. When i arrived in Golden it was a chilly, -11. It then warmed up to a humid -8 where it has basically hovered around for the last few days of being here. Let me try and organise my thoughts, they are all scatter brained at the moment. Sugar usually helps, but seeing as i was just in America, the land of sugar and sweeteners. I think im going to have to take a small break from them. I don’t think i have seen so many lollies (Sweets, candies etc) in my life. A whole aisle full, of individual bars, 10 shelves high, it was crazy. They are not normal size packets either, they are jumbo, extra large, grande ones. It is not good. Anyhow apart from that deviation where was I? Oh yeah that is right, i was talking about something important. It all started when i left New Zealand. (Damn Beth Orton, she makes me think) It was really tough leaving Mum and Dad.

To know that it might be the last time that i see dad in a good state. It is going to be a tough 6 months not seeing him. I’m going to get thru it though (Positive affirmation always helps). I saw Mum and Dad both crying and i thought to myself that i need to hold it together. I need to be strong and not cry. It did partly work. I had it caught in my throat, it slipped out a little, when i was driving off. I think everyone knew what i was feeling though. I was very quiet in the car driving away up to Hamilton. I knew that it would be the last time that i would see dad for a while but i still couldn’t say it. It is not like i didn’t want too. I sure did, but somehow i thought that it would be hollow if i did. I know personally that it is a load of garbage to speak like that, but that is what was running around my head. It sounds stupid to think like that now. I’m stuck looking at these words, in a state of numbness and frustration. Not knowing how to express thru my fingers how i feel right now. They have always helped me in get out what i feel, but now they are deserting me. I left this entry for a few days, hoping to find out what i feel. It hasn’t helped.

I know that the next few months for me are going to shape the way i approach the rest of my life. The way i tackle hard situations. The way i think. The way i feel. The way i interact with the whole human race. It is going to be a daunting but hopefully an exciting time. There is so much to look forward to. I was think that this was going to be a bigger entry. I suppose that i have said enough for now. It might become a bit of dribble, slowly coming out over the next few weeks.

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4 Responses to Turbulent Times

  1. Mum says:

    I think I like you Coralie !!! You sound like a really nice person..and not beacuse you say nice things – I just get a good feeling about you !!! Do you happen to live near Golden ??!!! lol

  2. coralie says:

    far out, gussy. your mum knows her stuff. lol! 😀

    concentrate on what you *want*, not what you *don’t want*. for instance, to use a skiiing metaphor, if you were at the top of a really scary diamond run & you’re looking down, don’t think to yourself “i won’t fall! i won’t fall!” think instead, “i’ll make it to the bottom! i’ll make it to the bottom!” like you said, positive affirmations. 🙂

    for someone who says he has trouble saying what he means, i think you’re doing a pretty good job on your blog. 🙂

  3. mum says:

    Hey Lukey,
    We all know that you love us and the only reason we want to hear it, is because we know you are not free enough in yourself, to say it ! Remember the story of the chained lions… I think this is like that…once you step out and pass beyond your fears, then you will realise those fears(lions) were powerlesss to hurt you all along ! Sometimes, you just have to do it !!! and not try so much to figure out why you find it hard to do it…..in the end, we all find stuff hard to do but in doing them, we discover how much we have inside us…play it safe and you will always be afraid….go on, Luke take a chance and be yourself !!!! You are so brave and fearless when it comes to active things…..you can chooose to apply thta same courgae to showing the inner you – being real, honest and vulnerable takes more courage than snow boarding down a black run!!

  4. Dad says:

    Hi Luke,

    I enjoyed reading your blog. You have so much inside you bursting to get out. You are great guy Luke who I love and treasure very much. I reckon you will find yourself – so be encouraged !

    The battle is for all of us to start the process – let it rip !!

    We will speak soon.

    Love Dad

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