And so it ends

You know that lovely Canadian girl i was talking about a few posts back. Well after hiring a car to visit her before i left, calling her from Australia a few times, talking to her here a few times, planning on visiting her when she is nearby with no money to my name. Things didn’t work out. I’ve been Cut off, relegated to the “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” court. It sucks, it quite literally sucks chocolate salty balls. The signs were all good, all around the world. She was thinking of me, and i was thinking of her. Then i came back to Canada. Took 2 weeks to go from good to backseat bad.

If you can find out why it’s not meant to “work”, then great, can you tell me. Cause as far as i know, yeah i have no idea. There was lots of texting going on, back and forth. I guess she had made up her mind a while ago, so i was fighting an uphill battle. There was this line, “your not helping me get you off my mind”. Why the fuck would i help someone to forget me if i like them?? It still hurts to read that line. Is it just me or would you try and do everything in your powers to see them? I know that i did, backfire! boooom!!!!! (room shakes a little and luke walks out covered in the remnants of his heart splattered across his chest)
Oh well, we shall see if things can progress if she comes back in winter.

For me, i would have moved to anywhere she was. It didn’t matter if she was in Peace River, Yellowknife, Nova Scotia, even Rimbey. They all would have been fun, just cause she was around. Unfortunately she doesn’t feel the same, maybe she does but can’t do it just yet? Time will tell. I’m not sure whether to stay in that uncomfortable place of longing for something/ someone you can’t have, or to move on. I know it would be better for my health to move on. I have been stuck in that place of “Friend wanting more” before, it totally fucked me over. I lost weight, got depression, became a hermit effectively. Alas she is a cool chick, and i’m not sure. I need some more time to think about it.

I got an email from one of my sisters, saying that someone is not worth what i have to give if they don’t feel the same way back. For example me wanting to move for this chick, if she doesn’t feel the same way then. Maybe it isn’t meant to be. The bonds will not be strong, as your undying affection is not there. This may be true, but i feel as though it takes time for some people to build that level of affection. If those bonds are there, then you can know that something great will happen. I haven’t found something like that yet, maybe i did. Who knows, time.
It may be a surprise to some that i am a passionate person, i tend to keep a lid on things, keeping it cool. Hard to ruffle up, but when i feel something. I go in hard, commit to it all the way. Maybe when chasing girls, i should back off? Relax and let it go? I did try a bit this time. I also know that it wouldn’t be me, i would feel like i was doing nothing, sitting and watching as the opportunity passes me by. There has to be a balance in there somewhere.
I am turning to exercise at this point in time to get me thru it. I am not hopeful, i usually drop a few kg’s when i exercise to much. At least i’m getting a tan! I know in the end i will be fine, i will get up and live another day. It sucks being in the hurt of the moment, wondering what you could have done to change the past, what you can fix for the future, why it hurts, what you did that made it go so horribly wrong like a car crash in slow motion.
NOTE: I know that i am not thru the 5 stages of grieving yet, but hopefully this will help. That is why it has been password protected, so i am covering my bases and not looking like a jerkface. I really am quite nice and date-able!!

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8 Responses to And so it ends

  1. Mum says:

    Man you just like to make me worry…Rye and coke is it ? Take it easy matey…love ya, mum

  2. Gussy says:

    Don’t worry, im eating. And now Drinking!!!!…mmm the Rye is good over here. How i missed it whilst i was poor and had to live off someone else’s beer.

    Everything is going well though, im moving on and trying to work things out… good is everything.

  3. Mum says:

    I second that !!! Please eat… and not just potatoes and crap….

  4. Shell says:

    If she don’t “dig” you?? Oh Lordy lordy Mumma….hahaha Live and Learn bro….Love hurts…all those other addages (sp?) Mate Im the last one to come to for dating advice – heck Im still spinning out that Dave likes me let alone that hes my husband (giggle). You know whats right and wrong – just live mate……and for peats sake please eat this time!!! Skinny blokes aint that sexy….love ya xox

  5. Mum says:

    Hey matey…you know that I think you are ONE special guy.. don’t ever sell yourself short…if the chick don’t dig you, her loss !!! some other babe will think you are the ant’s pants… she IS out there…. but meanwhile, just enjoy yourself and be you.. as you said, you are loveable and dateable….just keep believing in what you want(which I think for all of us is to love and be loved) and see it happen… you don’t have to try hard…just believe… love you Mum

  6. Kirst says:

    You are my hunky passionate brother who feels deeply thinks deeply and only really shares that with ones that he really trusts…you are wonderful and I love you just the way you are. I think we are all passionate and some people just can’t handle it….seems to be the same with JC I have asked him today what he is feeling as he has basically pulled back and I don’t know what is going on and it confuses and hurts. One thing is it is better to know and be able to move on cleanly and freely rather than having mixed signals for months. Celebrate being you and enjoy your life and what it brings who knows what is going to happen in the future it can all take another turn so quickly…love you viva siempre!!!

  7. Meghan says:

    Hey Luke, I’m really sorry about this whole situation that you’re in. I was in this exact same boat a few months ago with my now ex boyfriend, and I really know what you’re going through. If there’s anything I learned from the whole experience, it’s that you can’t force something that isn’t going to happen. It really sounds like this chick doesn’t want anything to do with you, so honestly I think it would be best for you to move on and find someone new, instead of holding out the hope that she will change her mind. I did that and got even more hurt when I found out that all of my hopes and wishes were for nothing. You’re a really great guy, I know you will someone who is the right one for you, and trust me, she won’t mess you around like this girl did.

  8. Dad says:

    Hi Son,
    Sad news to read your blog but what more can be said. I have always know you are a passionate person so don’t let go of that passion be it for a woman or life in general.
    It hurts to be in this situation but you are talking about it and it is great to see that.
    I feel for you.
    Love Dad

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