You know that lovely Canadian girl i was talking about a few posts back. Well after hiring a car to visit her before i left, calling her from Australia a few times, talking to her here a few times, planning on visiting her when she is nearby with no money to my name. Things didn’t work out. I’ve been Cut off, relegated to the “I don’t want to ruin our friendship” court. It sucks, it quite literally sucks chocolate salty balls. The signs were all good, all around the world. She was thinking of me, and i was thinking of her. Then i came back to Canada. Took 2 weeks to go from good to backseat bad.
If you can find out why it’s not meant to “work”, then great, can you tell me. Cause as far as i know, yeah i have no idea. There was lots of texting going on, back and forth. I guess she had made up her mind a while ago, so i was fighting an uphill battle. There was this line, “your not helping me get you off my mind”. Why the fuck would i help someone to forget me if i like them?? It still hurts to read that line. Is it just me or would you try and do everything in your powers to see them? I know that i did, backfire! boooom!!!!! (room shakes a little and luke walks out covered in the remnants of his heart splattered across his chest)
Oh well, we shall see if things can progress if she comes back in winter.
For me, i would have moved to anywhere she was. It didn’t matter if she was in Peace River, Yellowknife, Nova Scotia, even Rimbey. They all would have been fun, just cause she was around. Unfortunately she doesn’t feel the same, maybe she does but can’t do it just yet? Time will tell. I’m not sure whether to stay in that uncomfortable place of longing for something/ someone you can’t have, or to move on. I know it would be better for my health to move on. I have been stuck in that place of “Friend wanting more” before, it totally fucked me over. I lost weight, got depression, became a hermit effectively. Alas she is a cool chick, and i’m not sure. I need some more time to think about it.
I got an email from one of my sisters, saying that someone is not worth what i have to give if they don’t feel the same way back. For example me wanting to move for this chick, if she doesn’t feel the same way then. Maybe it isn’t meant to be. The bonds will not be strong, as your undying affection is not there. This may be true, but i feel as though it takes time for some people to build that level of affection. If those bonds are there, then you can know that something great will happen. I haven’t found something like that yet, maybe i did. Who knows, time.
It may be a surprise to some that i am a passionate person, i tend to keep a lid on things, keeping it cool. Hard to ruffle up, but when i feel something. I go in hard, commit to it all the way. Maybe when chasing girls, i should back off? Relax and let it go? I did try a bit this time. I also know that it wouldn’t be me, i would feel like i was doing nothing, sitting and watching as the opportunity passes me by. There has to be a balance in there somewhere.
I am turning to exercise at this point in time to get me thru it. I am not hopeful, i usually drop a few kg’s when i exercise to much. At least i’m getting a tan! I know in the end i will be fine, i will get up and live another day. It sucks being in the hurt of the moment, wondering what you could have done to change the past, what you can fix for the future, why it hurts, what you did that made it go so horribly wrong like a car crash in slow motion.
NOTE: I know that i am not thru the 5 stages of grieving yet, but hopefully this will help. That is why it has been password protected, so i am covering my bases and not looking like a jerkface. I really am quite nice and date-able!!