I have been feeling it in the last few weeks. The feeling that i miss the company of someone. Sure i have my friends and that is cool, but someone to share my feelings with. I am lonely. I just read something and it has made me think about what i want and everything. I have had an underlying feeling that i am missing something for the last few months. What that is i not sure. I have an idea, but not concrete.
I was talking with a friend the other night and they were saying that the next bf they want is one that they will have a kid with. Whilst i have thought about having a kid. I know at this stage im not ready for it. Still made me think about it though. In some small way i do want a kid, not just because it is fashionable in Hollywood. Because i want the other half that goes with it.
I look at my sis that has a bub, and see her so happy. I look at my folks and see them so happy. I look at my married friends over here and see them so happy. I just want a part of that, a small itty bitty part. Maybe i just need space to find out what i want, what really matters to me. Everytime that i do that though, i get different results. Wanting different things out of everty situation. I’m confused as fuck. Maybe i need time to decide what i want really. With no distractions, time for me and me alone. Hopefully it is coming in the next few weeks. I am hoping to get away and spend some time doing nothing, just looking at the big blue sky and reading.
Having just re-read what i wrote, maybe i want it so bad i will just settle for anything. I don’t think it is the right thing to do, but that doesn’t mean that i won’t for a little bit. It isn’t healthy to do that. I’m going to end this now, before i ramble on to much more.