Thinkings

So this week for me has been a week full of thinking. What have i been thinking about. Well i have been thinking that i don’t want a mediocre relationship. Not that i have one, but i don’t want something that just trudges along. I value both parties to much to do something like that. I want to know that i am valued by and value the lady that i love.

What brought this around? Well i was meant to tell my boss this week that i am leaving, and that i am moving down to the coast. I feel bad having to tell him that i am now leaving. It is kind of a sucky move. I am looking for a replacement now for me. It is hard to find people in this town.

Also another thing that might have brought this on was, watching Family Practice, the spin off from Grey’s Anatomy. So i was watching the episode that the two black people had just broken up. They were wondering if they should be together, and the guy came to the conclusion that he only wanted to be with her cause it was easy. That he was only with her before cause they had a kid together and things were simple and no worries etc. I think that is the message they were trying to put anyhow.

I really do love this town, Golden. It has a special place in my heart and i will miss it immensely. I know almost 1/3 of the people here, and feel like i am a real part of the community. Like i can make a difference. Something that i have never felt before in any other town that i have lived in. In one regard i don’t want to leave as i wonder if i will still like Canada as much as i do now.

I am trying to think of reasons why i am scared. I think that with saying that i am leaving work, that it all becomes real. That i am moving for love, to follow my heart. Something i really haven’t done in, well ever. I have said it many times, but this time it feels different. That scares me. What does the future hold for me? I am not sure, i don’t even want to think about it at the moment. I am only looking to the next even, moving to Victoria, BC. That is far enough for me to be thinking.

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3 Responses to Thinkings

  1. Mum says:

    I think it is great that you think about these sorts of things Luke…a lot of people never take the time to think about what they are doing, let alone why they are doing it. I admire that you aspire to the noble ideal of loving and being loved, valued and valuing deeply. You are a good man Luke and what you have found in Golden, is that by just being you, you are loved and valued…you have also discovered (some by painful experience) that you are able to give yourself to those you love and care about. Giving yourself 100% to someone, or a place or an activity, indicates that you value them(or it) and I think you have really learnt a lot about lots of things over there. We are always scared when we are stepping out from our comfort and well known zones into the unknown or new (I am scared about moving to Coolup) but it may just be what you need to do to continue learning and growing. I really like what Troy said to you….and I know what he means when he says he’ll miss you immensely…cos we miss you too.
    (we know that it’s right for you to be there though) Love mum xox

  2. Troy Hudson says:

    Hey Luke, I go through this occassionaly too. Things can get easy….I have to pull my head back and think of what really makes me happy. For me it is Golden, family the great outdoors and work. I constantly am finding new things to be obsessed with, a flaw in my personality for sure. Why don’t you take a good long step back and see what is really down in that heart of yours. Things will come together. I do have to tell ya, I’ll miss you immensely.

  3. Jason.Tapp says:

    I know the feeling, I have moved so often trying to find a place that really speaks to me, and I still have not found it. Everywhere I go there is something that is just off that makes me want to move on. But where do I go, back east with friends, back to Montreal with family, or do I make another leap and go again to a place I know no one.

    Eventually one of us will find that place.

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