Compliments

Over the last few weeks i have been getting lots of compliments. It has ranged from my new found snowboarding abilities to my work as a lift operator even the type of person that i am becoming. One thing that has got me all the time has been the fact that people have said it in the first place. It hasn’t always been Canadians either, Australians and New Zealanders have chipped in. I thought it would be the positive affirmation stuff from the Canadians, kind of like the American thing.

This has surprised me. Why? Well cause of the fact that i normally don’t hear many compliments, it made me think of a post i did ages ago. Don’t get me wrong i do love compliments, they rock! The thing that has shocked me has been the frequency of them and how passionate they are. They are not like ” Your not bad at..” They are positive, like “You rip pretty hard for how long..”etc.

I do value each and every compliment that i get, it makes me feel special. Maybe i should start handing out more? I just don’t want them to appear hollow. The fact that so many compliments have been handed to me over the last few weeks made me scared of the person that i am becoming. Weird? Yeah it is a bit hard to handle receiving the volume that i have. Now i don’t want to appear pigheaded, cause that is the last thing i am. It is just, well not normal. One every few weeks would do me fine. Now let me state that there is nothing about myself that i don’t like at the moment. In fact i am loving life at the moment. It seems as though, most things are going along smoothly. I still have my ups and downs, the news about dad has been a big up. Other situations made life complicated, but still enjoyable. All i can say now is that, i love the compliments, and everything is going so smoothly i love it.

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Popular, who?

Wow, who would have thought i was so popular. It is just funny. I only write to get things off my chest. I like meeting new people though, so if your a lurker, please de-lurk! I do try and read about everyone else’s life. That is why i like blogging, it is just a way that i can get things off my chest. It wasn’t until i got the link on my WordPress dashboard that i found this site. It says that I’m ranked at 118, but when you take out doubles etc. i get up to 108. Nice work, for someone who doesn’t really pay any attention to rankings. Oh well, if you like it, please keep reading and commenting. I for sure will keep on posting my thoughts, otherwise you might need to look in a mental home.

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All clear…almost

Well the threat level has gone down from, Red to Orange. Please rest easier. The MRI came back with no sign of Tumour. So the verdict? Getting very drunk on Friday night!  Seriously though, it was good news to finally get. Dad starts on his chemotherapy again very soon. Just to make sure that everything has been killed good and proper. Then in a few months things might be in the clear, fingers crossed for that. I haven’t had the chance to speak to Mum and Dad yet, hopefully tonight. I got the text at 1am, but it was good to get.

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A bit scared

Dad goes for his MRI on the 16th of January. Everyone is a bit on edge to see how it goes. Hopefully it will come up clear. I was thinking about it all day, wondering how it will go. What i would do if the results came back no so good. I’m sure that they will be fine. It just plays on my mind is all.

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Awesomeness

How good is snow??!! It is almost more fun than surfing. No it is more fun than surfing. It is the best thing. Powder days rock my boat. There is nothing that comes close to it on water or land that I have done so far in my life. The rush is amazing. Oh im getting all excited about tomorrow now. I must change subject, otherwise you will get bored with me.

News coming to me is that Dad is going well, for those wondering. He had a bit of a hiccup with medicines and White Cell Counts being low. Things seem to be going a bit better now. He has an MRI on the 16th of January. More will be known then.

A comment that mum made on my previous entry made me think about not just snowboarding but also relationships. (Yes mum you made me think of something!) She was saying to be myself and express what I feel. The only problem to that is that I did that before and got hurt. Hurt real bad by a lady. I have also had trouble sharing things with my family. I did think I was getting better at sharing my feelings for a bit there.

The world can be cruel, this I know. I try and give myself to it. I don’t want to give it everything so it can take me with it. Turning me into some sort of mean, cruel, bitter person. I want to be a fun person, one that people can enjoy being around. I think I am like that most of the time.

Part of the reason why I don’t want to share the real me is well because of the fact that I haven’t any people that aren’t family to share it with. I have no life long friends that I talk too. They don’t talk to me anymore. Most of my friends are here, online. Some are real and I’m making more here in Canada. Sharing stuff with family can be difficult, there is the whole history thing. It’s not like I don’t want to talk to them about stuff. I sure do. My mouth gets stuck. The other night I wanted to talk to Jess about some things here. I got home determined to talk to her, almost approached the subject a few times in the quick convo we were having. Then she was tired so went to bed. I left and was sad for a bit, so I wrote it down. It got out of my head, it will stay in the drafts folder for a few months. Probably get deleted in the end.

Life seems to be getting more and more complicated as things progress. Life matters, Women, Work, Relationships they all make things hard. I don’t think at times I have the skills to handle it all. Then on other times I can do it, it seems easy. That is mainly when women aren’t involved. They get my head, turn it inside out and leave it there, sorry ladies. I suppose that life getting complicated means that im getting older, more responsibility etc. As I said at times I love all the things that go on in my life. Then there are times that I hate it. At the moment I love it, I want to extend things more, share more with someone special. Even if that someone is Jess, just sharing my thoughts etc. I do think of lots of things, it’s true. The fact that I suppress most of them doesn’t help in starting to get them out there. I also worry that I will be rejected by my real nature, the kinder side of me. The side that family sees but rare for anyone else. Maybe im just a normal guy, afraid of sharing the deeper stuff. Stuff that opens you up, and leaves a whole for anyone to stick in the knife. Who knows, hopefully things can improve, hell I know that I want to, I just have to get this darn mouth a moving!

“I should know who I am by now
I walk the record stands somehow”

-Joshua Radin, Winter

Posted in General, Heartache, Rant | 5 Comments

I’m not dead

Just working lots, and boarding heaps. It rocks, i don’t think i can get enough of this drug called Snowboarding. I go like a train (choo, choo!!) The secret is to not have any fear, a plastic lid doesn’t hurt either. Hopefully i can write something later on in the week. Until then, rock on!

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Turbulent Times

Well it has been an interesting few weeks since leaving the sunny comforts of Perth, Australia. I’m now living in Golden, Canada. The temperature difference is something to behold. When i arrived in Golden it was a chilly, -11. It then warmed up to a humid -8 where it has basically hovered around for the last few days of being here. Let me try and organise my thoughts, they are all scatter brained at the moment. Sugar usually helps, but seeing as i was just in America, the land of sugar and sweeteners. I think im going to have to take a small break from them. I don’t think i have seen so many lollies (Sweets, candies etc) in my life. A whole aisle full, of individual bars, 10 shelves high, it was crazy. They are not normal size packets either, they are jumbo, extra large, grande ones. It is not good. Anyhow apart from that deviation where was I? Oh yeah that is right, i was talking about something important. It all started when i left New Zealand. (Damn Beth Orton, she makes me think) It was really tough leaving Mum and Dad.

To know that it might be the last time that i see dad in a good state. It is going to be a tough 6 months not seeing him. I’m going to get thru it though (Positive affirmation always helps). I saw Mum and Dad both crying and i thought to myself that i need to hold it together. I need to be strong and not cry. It did partly work. I had it caught in my throat, it slipped out a little, when i was driving off. I think everyone knew what i was feeling though. I was very quiet in the car driving away up to Hamilton. I knew that it would be the last time that i would see dad for a while but i still couldn’t say it. It is not like i didn’t want too. I sure did, but somehow i thought that it would be hollow if i did. I know personally that it is a load of garbage to speak like that, but that is what was running around my head. It sounds stupid to think like that now. I’m stuck looking at these words, in a state of numbness and frustration. Not knowing how to express thru my fingers how i feel right now. They have always helped me in get out what i feel, but now they are deserting me. I left this entry for a few days, hoping to find out what i feel. It hasn’t helped.

I know that the next few months for me are going to shape the way i approach the rest of my life. The way i tackle hard situations. The way i think. The way i feel. The way i interact with the whole human race. It is going to be a daunting but hopefully an exciting time. There is so much to look forward to. I was think that this was going to be a bigger entry. I suppose that i have said enough for now. It might become a bit of dribble, slowly coming out over the next few weeks.

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New Zealand Update

Well staying in one place to long gets boring. Yep it does. The town of New Plymouth doesn’t have a heap to offer, it is a nice town still. Hopefully when we get to Golden it might be a bit more exciting. Things have been a bit blah over the last few days, mainly cause we have been sleeping most of the day (till 11am) and then not doing much. Chillin’ mainly. I have been trying to perfect my speech of how to say Taranaki, cause you have to say it right, or the locals get annoyed. Well ok I made up the annoyed but. Still it is impolite not to say things like the locals correctly. The last few days and in fact every hour have been blurred, cause im not wearing a watch. It is totally putting me out. I feel naked without it, so bizarre.

 

Other new and important news is that we are starting earlier at Kicking Horse. They say it is puking snow so that is cool, come on broken wrist!! (jokes!!) We are starting work on the 1st of December a few days early. The only thing is that we only arrive on the 30th, so hopefully we can get some quick training and be able to do our jobs well enough before we have to actually see anybody.

 

New Plymouth is a pleasant town to visit, hopefully if your in the area of New Zealand you can come and visit. Things to see in the area, the Mountain. Although most of the time it is covered in fog or cloud, it is still cool to be so close. Maybe you can get lucky and score a day with no cloud  and a good view!!

The wandy-thing, it is large. Red. And sways in the wind. A bit of weird design, but it does tell you if the wind is blowing, surprising really, cause I didn’t feel cold before seeing the wandy-thing almost vertical.

Um, the beaches. After living in Perth for a year and a bit more it is weird to see sand a different colour, even a different texture. It was BLACK PEOPLE, BLACK!!! The sand is black! It freaked me out, apparently it is caused from all the iron ore around the area. Who would have know.

Another thing to be cautious of is the speed limit. I know it sounds stupid, but it isn’t cause there is nothing more a Taranaki Copper would like to do than to pull you over, and say “Hey bro, what speed ya’ doin’?  Stick to the dreadfully slow, but cool limit of 50km/h. When everyone is going that slow, 55 feels like you’re a speed demon and in a hurry. Freaky.

That is all from me, hopefully I can update this when we get to the land of Mounties and Moose’s, and puking loads of Snow. I so don’t know what im in for. 

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Friends

I have been thinking recently about friends. I gave up my childhood friend some 2 years ago. It was a moment that changed my life, for the better i think. Under no reason or thinking was it easy to do. I think to date it is the hardest single decision i have had to make in life. Nothing has come esay since that time. It was a point in my life that changed the way i view myself, my life, my friends, my whole world. Why would anyone want to give up their friends, well to put it simply. I didn’t want to give them up. The place where i was, wasn’t for me. So i moved on. That in no way is meant to be read as a put down to anyone that i know from my childhood.

Since that time, i moved to Perth, it has been tough to make some quality friends. Finally when i go to leave, they are all coming out of the wood work. Friends to me are life. Without them nothing seems like fun, exciting. I will each and everyone of them.
I suppose that is why the last year and a bit has been tough. I haven’t had many that i can count on. That takes time i know, to build that friendship. It just sucks that finally, when i’m leaving to go overseas i am starting to make some really good ones. Ones that i think i can grow with and share anything with. I know that i will make new ones when im overseas, but honestly i don’t think i made enough here to start with.
Many people over the last few weeks have been telling me that i’m “a gentleman”  and a “good bloke” or “to nice”. To my annoyment (is that a word) it has bugged me to be the good guy, i only want to be normal. But now, i know that makes me special. I’m old fashioned and well, proud of it. If this is something that draws people to me, well im glad it happened that way. Without it i would still be friendless, and that would be the saddest thing to happen.

I came to Perth with nothing, but my belonging and a sister to live with (She rocks by the way!). I made a few friends over the net, to date i have been treated like a piece of shit by them. Not all of them i must say. Just the majority. The way i was treated was partly my fault i must say, i allowed it to happen/ continue on for too long. That is why i have left them to their world of net talking and name calling. I am better than that. I have value, no one can take that from me. It has been a year in which i grew stronger because of what they did. It has changed me, made me stronger. I went out with one of them as well. The experience has taken me 2 girlfriends, to overcome. Both Women are wonderful beautiful people, who will find Men that treat them the way they want, no deserve to be treated. Told you, im old fashioned!

Im going to finish up now. One final thing i want to say is that you need to tell your friends that they are exactly that, what you mean to them. Life is to short to wonder. Take the plunge, you might get some suprises but that is life. Live it!

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Long time no write

WoW! where did time go? Is it that late already? Who would have thought, it would be some 2 weeks since i last posted? I have been flat out, working, socialising, sleeping, getting ready to go. Everything is happening so fast now. It is only less that 2 weeks till i go, 16th November is when i leave. Can’t wait, but nervous cause there is so much to do before then! Just need to write a few lists and get this in order.

To break up this rush, this weekend i decided to take a weekend away, with a friend. She doesn’t want her name on the internet, ( even though i’m sure there are other people with the same name on the internet already). Anyhow, it was a great relaxing weekend, drunk some wine (lavender included), ate some chocolate, ate some cheese. It was all pretty awesome weekend. Now back to work for the final time, and then party on Friday night (all welcome 5pm at the Moon and Sixpence, Murray St, Perth), before going to a day on the green on Sunday. Should be heaps of fun, but going way to fast!

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