So it has been a while. I have been super busy with life. Working my 2-3 jobs, relaxing with my lady. Travelling around Canada and the Globe, it takes its toll on you. I am a second time uncle again, to another little boy. I think i am expecting a little girl soon, from my other sister, which should be super cool. Who knows one of these days i might even gain the balls to ask as well. Time will tell.
I have a super cool new job, well it is only part time or casual but still super cool. It is a job designed to increase peoples use of there bodies, yup active transportation. So it means getting people out of cars and onto foot and bike and any other means. Anything but using the car, it is really interesting and i am looking forward to the challenges that it provides to me. I am planning on having a meeting with my boss and see where she wants me to go. If it is an open slather kind of job, then i will have my work cut out for me. If i have to play a roll in getting people out of cars, that would also be awesome. I would love to see more people out of there trucks and walking and biking. The winter so far has been very mild and it is great to see the number of people we already have. I would like to have more.
Apart from that exciting news, not much more has managed to happen here. Life is moving along quite nicely. I can’t wait for summer and spring to really start cause then we can start growing veggies and stuff. Yum!
Also i have done some admin stuff on the site, so now it is optimised for mobile devices as well. Sweet stuff!
So this week for me has been a week full of thinking. What have i been thinking about. Well i have been thinking that i don’t want a mediocre relationship. Not that i have one, but i don’t want something that just trudges along. I value both parties to much to do something like that. I want to know that i am valued by and value the lady that i love.
What brought this around? Well i was meant to tell my boss this week that i am leaving, and that i am moving down to the coast. I feel bad having to tell him that i am now leaving. It is kind of a sucky move. I am looking for a replacement now for me. It is hard to find people in this town.
Also another thing that might have brought this on was, watching Family Practice, the spin off from Grey’s Anatomy. So i was watching the episode that the two black people had just broken up. They were wondering if they should be together, and the guy came to the conclusion that he only wanted to be with her cause it was easy. That he was only with her before cause they had a kid together and things were simple and no worries etc. I think that is the message they were trying to put anyhow.
I really do love this town, Golden. It has a special place in my heart and i will miss it immensely. I know almost 1/3 of the people here, and feel like i am a real part of the community. Like i can make a difference. Something that i have never felt before in any other town that i have lived in. In one regard i don’t want to leave as i wonder if i will still like Canada as much as i do now.
I am trying to think of reasons why i am scared. I think that with saying that i am leaving work, that it all becomes real. That i am moving for love, to follow my heart. Something i really haven’t done in, well ever. I have said it many times, but this time it feels different. That scares me. What does the future hold for me? I am not sure, i don’t even want to think about it at the moment. I am only looking to the next even, moving to Victoria, BC. That is far enough for me to be thinking.
Well on Tuesday the 26th August, 2008 at 6.45am. The most significant person in my life (second to my parents) to date walked out my front door, and drove 8 hours away to Victoria, British Columbia. It was a sad day, even now, i get a little teary to know that it will be a while before i see her again. I have enjoyed spending the last year with her. Even if at times it was fucked up and weird. We both learnt lots about us, ourselves and each other. I wouldn’t change anything currently (except maybe for the 8hrs away). We both know that this is the right thing to do, for her. It is tough being here, but im excited about business ideas that are coming to a head and also about what the future holds for me. It is really an exciting time for both of us.
I wanted to keep this short. I also wanted her to know that i’m thinking of her.
I just thought of a statement or saying that i like. You can say it to your girlfriend, wife, lady friend or anyone that you love. It is…
More to hold. More to squeeze. More to love.
Well Zoey got her first bath today. I nice wipe down of isopropyl alchohol. She is looking much cleaner and seems happy now too. I give her the occasional dusting with an compressed air too. To keep her “eyes” clean. She is still as pretty as the day i got her, all those months ago. I have put up photos on flickr about it too.
I’m just listening to a random selection of songs from itunes, it is suprising me how random and good they are. I have had to find all my music that i lost to a corrupt hard drive, awesome! I am liking the selection cause well, it is making me think about past loves and ponder on the things that are important to me. hmmm….back to pondering and working hard!
I have been feeling it in the last few weeks. The feeling that i miss the company of someone. Sure i have my friends and that is cool, but someone to share my feelings with. I am lonely. I just read something and it has made me think about what i want and everything. I have had an underlying feeling that i am missing something for the last few months. What that is i not sure. I have an idea, but not concrete.
I was talking with a friend the other night and they were saying that the next bf they want is one that they will have a kid with. Whilst i have thought about having a kid. I know at this stage im not ready for it. Still made me think about it though. In some small way i do want a kid, not just because it is fashionable in Hollywood. Because i want the other half that goes with it.
I look at my sis that has a bub, and see her so happy. I look at my folks and see them so happy. I look at my married friends over here and see them so happy. I just want a part of that, a small itty bitty part. Maybe i just need space to find out what i want, what really matters to me. Everytime that i do that though, i get different results. Wanting different things out of everty situation. I’m confused as fuck. Maybe i need time to decide what i want really. With no distractions, time for me and me alone. Hopefully it is coming in the next few weeks. I am hoping to get away and spend some time doing nothing, just looking at the big blue sky and reading.
Having just re-read what i wrote, maybe i want it so bad i will just settle for anything. I don’t think it is the right thing to do, but that doesn’t mean that i won’t for a little bit. It isn’t healthy to do that. I’m going to end this now, before i ramble on to much more.